entre nous
by Spirix
Summary: Between us, there is only our damned devotion. ...EdRoy... Ch 4: Unmovable as the Mountain
1. Swift as the Wind

**Dis****claimer:** I don't own FMA... or these pants.

* * *

What makes a person _that one person, _the one you sing for, the one you cry for, the one you live for and the one you die for?

* * *

Edward sat on the ground and looked at yet another grave. He was tired of seeing graves and keeping grave secrets. He was twenty and already a widower, but why he surprised? Why was he even fucking surprised? He reached out with his automail hand and traced the words 'Winry Elric'. He was such a fool. Why did he think being closer to her would save her from it all?

The tall grass swayed in forgotten winds. It would have been the two year anniversary of their elopement but instead it was the one year anniversary of her death and Edward's foolishness. The war had made fools out of everyone. Ed picked up his discarded red jacket and hung it over the tombstone. Even after a year, he could still hear her screaming for him, telling him not to be a hero and run, but Ed hadn't. _Elrics_ never run even when they should.

"You shouldn't have come for me," Edward whispered to no one. "You should have listened when I said don't follow. You should have fucking ran while you still could."

His hands were in his brown trouser pockets and his high pony tail flicked viciously in the torrent of air around him. He could even hear her sarcastic reply of then just being stabbed in the back instead of the front.

Killing Envy afterwards had been ironic. Instead of feeling satisfaction, for taking down his wife's murder, he felt jealous, _envious_, of the man being able to just die. Edward was forced to live by country and by conscience. At the time there were still more homunculi to slay even if there was no longer a Winry to hold.

With one last look at his symbolic red coat, he left the Resembool graveyard. The Edward who loved that coat died on the same day the one he loved more died. It was only fair they hold each other in death.

Lieutenant Colonel Elric left and never looked back.

* * *

It was hard some days for Roy to sign paper work without being held at gun point, but 'some days' were always less then 'every night'. Every night was the same cold and lonely shadow of its former glory. He longed for the piles of paper to build up so he would be forced to sleep on his office sofa and forget about his apartment. Roy longed to forget it all, every article of clothing left behind, every piece of moved furniture, and every night he slept alone, without Riza by his side.

The office was empty and dark as he finished his pile. It would have been the two year anniversary of their elopement but instead it was the one year anniversary of her death and Roy's foolishness. The war had made fools out of everyone. Roy looked at his discarded uniform jacket, complete with its heroic war medals, and left it on the back of his chair. He wouldn't need it anymore.

Even after a year, Roy could still see her face as she bled to death silently in his arms. The bullet to the back of her head to exit through her left eye had killed her instantly. If only he had seen Archer coming up the walkway, if only he had pushed her aside when she hugged him in relief that he was safe, if only he had not involved her in his plans to destroy the Furher, she would still be alive.

"I shouldn't have let you come with me," Roy whispered to no one. "I shouldn't have killed him because now he can't kill me too. I'm shouldn't have embraced and distracted you when it matter most."

He closed his eyes to hold back a sudden wave of tears. He could even hear her causal reply of then just being shot in the front instead of the back.

Roy circled his office in silence, looking over every detail in silent prayer that it held as many memories for its next occupant as it had for him. That is why he had to leave. Roy was forced to live by country and by conscience. At the time there was still a State to save even if there was no longer a Riza to cherish.

With one last looked at his symbolic coat, he left the Central office. The Roy who strived to earn that coat of medals died on the same day the one he strived harder to worthy of died. It was only fair that they remain here in death.

Corporal Mustang left and never looked back.

* * *

**Swift as the Wind**

* * *

Edward turned chair to face the window behind him. The Central Parade grounds were a glow in the twilight and he wondered what should be his next course of action. Somehow sending just Breda and Havoc no longer seemed wise. It was too late to recall them though; they were already on the train to the northern outpost. He thought it was pointless, Mustang doesn't want to be found so he should be left that way.

"Colonel, why are you still here?"

Newly promoted Colonel Elric turned to face a familiar Central Office, his First Lieutenant looking at him with a puzzled face. It had been his for almost a year now, since its predecessor left. He found it horribly unjust that Mustang left the job that was his whole life and Edward left his whole life to take the man's job. He had the same office, same staff and same job of scouting new alchemists and dealing with alchemy related problems in the country.

"Ross, the real question is: why are_ you_ still here?" Edward asked from his leather chair. His long tail was still bound high on the back of his head and his gaze even.

"I came back to make sure you went home Sir." Maria Ross kept her straight stance, looking straight ahead with straight lips. Edward hated it, straight was just so straight.

"How many times have I told you? There is no need for that formality when it's just us. How long have we known each other?" Edward asked as he got up from his desk to look at his book collection. When he took the office, he had filled it with every research book and journal he had. They were all encoded but the shelves look more uniform. Different colour spines meant interpreting the code with a different key. To anyone who read them, it was just a very details collection of books on Amestris's land, history, culture and future. They were horribly accurate also, if you could read Ishbalian. Edward fingered a book spine, trying, not for the first time, to convince himself he wasn't obsessive to a dangerous degree.

"We've known each other since you were fifteen and I've worked under you since you were twenty… So that's six years." She remained at attention.

"That's long enough to quit it with all this formal bull. Maria, sit down. How are Denny and the kids?" Edward inquired and sat on one of the sofas, indicating she should take the other. Maria Ross sighed and gave in with a plop onto the leather cushion.

"He's taken being a stay-at-home-father too seriously. If he rearranges all the furniture one more time I think I may have to kill him. I can't find anything. Also, the floors are too shiny, I can see my reflection and the kids have taken to wearing only sock so they can skate around. I've had to restock my supply of bandages twice this month. Last week he bought seven different shades of beige paint cans. He claims it's 'to give the dinning room more dimension'. I don't see how, it only has four walls."

Edward listened to her stories of home life eagerly. He would never admit it, but he had once wanted a family of his own, but now that was gone. He was merely content to watch the families around him grow. Even Al was starting one with a lovely girl he met during his post wartime volunteer work. Edward had only met her once, but Noah made Al happy, that's all that matter. They lived together with Granny Pinako back in Resembool. Edward thought distantly how he hadn't gone back once since that day.

"Ed, why don't you go home and visit your brother for a week? Havoc and Breda will be gone for a while, knowing them and their 'pit stops'. You could go and be back before they even leave that snowball of an outpost." Maria said softly.

Edward gave her a knowing look. "You know I can't. There is too much work to do here. This office won't function properly if three of us were out. You know that. And don't think you are being cleaver, I see what you're doing and the answer is _fuck no_. I am never going back to that middle of nowhere pit of a place."

Maria sighed again and got up. "You need to go make peace with yourself. Don't think I don't know what day is coming up. I think you need to go before you face another one of those anniversaries alone."

_The three year anniversary of their elopement, the two year anniversary of her death and Edward's foolishness, that anniversary. _

"I appreciate your concern," Edward said offhandedly, they'd had this conversation before, "but why don't you just go home. You have children there who actually need mothering." It was hard to keep the bitter edge out of his voice. First Lieutenant Ross huffed and left. Edward made a note to apologise to her tomorrow but as quickly as he thought that, she stuck her head back in through the doorway.

"How are you so certain you don't need any mothering? You look after all of us, but who looks after you?" She said but didn't wait for an answer because she knew better.

Edward got off his couch and went over to his desk. It was finally dark outside. Even with the city lights he could make out two or three stars. Resembool had a whole sky full of twinkling lights, unlike here. He gave them a dirty look as if they agreed with Ross. He needed no one.

He sat down in his chair and picked up the file he had previously left there. It was Mustang's military profile. Edward had been reading it over and over, trying to piece together a way to bring the man back from his self appointed exile. It came to the point that Edward felt like he was invading the man's privacy and even knowing all those details, Edward came up with nothing. All those years he longed to know about the man's past, now it seemed surreal, to have access to his file. He was ordered to recall Colonel Mustang back to his rank and position. After that he was to work under Mustang as his second in command of the newly created alchemy division. That was what parliament wanted but they failed to realise what is was they asked. Just because on paper Mustang was by far more than adequate choice for said position did not him make him the best choice.

Ed ran his finger over the date of Mrs. Riza Mustang's death. If they really were alike, nothing would bring Roy Mustang back into that office. Edward pulled out the necessary documentation to travel. He was going to see his former commanding officer without a plan.

* * *

"Sir, you are being recalled to your former duties," Breda said in an overly formal voice. Roy continued to survey the frozen land outside his small window. It had been so long since he'd seen his men last, but Breda and Havoc were no longer his. He wondered who their colonel was now.

"Yeah chief, we've been ordered to bring you back with us willingly," spoke Havoc causally while search for his cigarette pack. Roy could tell by the sudden lack of rustling that he found his prize.

Roy turned finally spoke, "Willingly, that seems an odd order. Whoever sent you must not really want me back there. They merely sent you so that they may write it off quickly and move on to more pressing matters."

"Chief, that ain't true and if you'd only come back, you'd see it yourself." Havoc stated and lit a match. They had already been over this countless times. Roy found his once friends to be crowding and overbearing. It made him dizzy. A sensible part of his mind said they weren't and it was only his year of isolation that made them appear as so. He had been alone too long for conversations. Roy decided instead to watch the two soldiers try and find something in the empty cabin to look at besides him.

Roy knew they would never understand him and probably felt abandoned. He never meant to leave them behind, but he couldn't stay in that office, in that life… in this life.

It only took two more failed attempts of small talk and not convincing arguments before the two men left Corporal Mustang, much to his relief. The sounds of voices echoing made him uncomfortable. He couldn't stand it.

He lay in bed later, looking at the ceiling with his two blank eyes. He couldn't stand it any longer, not a day, not a moment, not a lifetime. He leaped from under the sheets and pushed the bed hurriedly aside. On the floor were elegantly burned lines in the worn wood and a large basin full of the proper ingredients. He looked it over; remembering each detail from the Elric's home on that rainy night so long ago. He had memorized the complex collage of lines and made modifications so that it would work properly. Roy's breath was coming in pants. Tonight was that anniversary.

_The three year anniversary of their elopement, the two year anniversary of her death and Roy's foolishness, that anniversary. _

Tonight was the night he had been waiting for. The array was at last perfected. There would be no need for automail afterwards because he was an adult and could handle the reaction. He would bring her back to atone for his sins and if he failed, then he would be dead. That would also make things right.

The harsh silence of winter made the pumping of his pulse louder. His fingers twitched in anticipation as he placed them on the floor just beside the large array. This was it, his moment in time to right all his wrongs.

Roy pulled out his pocket knife and looked at the shiny steel. A young boy with a metal arm and leg looked at him through the reflection, reminding him of consequences. Roy ignored the phantom and cut his finger, letting the blood drop into the basin.

"It's ready Riza, just hold on a moment longer," he whispered.

Roy placed his hands on the array and activated it with a push of his mind. A whirl of golden light surrounded him in glorious wonder. He could feel the majestic quality of some higher power. It was like brushing up against a god and suddenly Roy believed in Truth. Riza's voice was calling out to him; she was just a touch away when everything went wrong, horribly wrong.

The colours around him change to a sickly purple and he was consumed with that familiar stench of burned flesh. Eerie screeching resonated off the cabin walls. Roy looked up and an infinite amount of eyes stared back. The screeching stopped when the Gate doors were open all the way.

"Wha—no. No… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

END

* * *

**Author's Note:** This is one of a four part series that wouldn't leave me alone. I technically made this for Marylover, she asked for a snowyoutpost!Roy fic months ago, but I have to say that I love it for my own selfish purposes. It's stylish with an underlying sense of grief and fear. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope even more that someone recognised the chapter title.

Anyways… :D


	2. Steady as the Tree

**Dis****claimer:** I don't own FMA... or these pants.

* * *

If one and one are always two, and two and two are always four, how can _two_ become _one _while still being_ four_?

* * *

_"Hello, oh desperate solider, to this barren land. Ask what you want, but the answers… you won't understand." _

Roy shivered and looked up in horror. The large gate he was told of, but never truly believed, was bearing down on him. In a world of only light, it cast its cold thick shadow over his quivering form. He was afraid and humbled without question.

_"Speak mortal, project your ultimate wish, that desire. Nothing is too much for you, right, great alchemist of fire?" _

The voice boomed in his mind, leaving him unable to think or speak properly. A sudden severe pain collapsed Roy onto his knees.

_"Do you pray before a god you don't believe in? It's strange because only through a god there can be sin. For if there is no higher power to dictate the rules of living, how would you know what is wrong? What is right? What is stealing and what is giving?" _

Roy found his voice as the pain dissipated. With eyes he could not keep from being incredibly wide he answered. "We are taught morals as children. Right and Wrong are the fundamentals of our education and upbringing."

The Gate remained unchanged as the eternities passed by. Roy stayed kneeling, his two gloved hands on the ground between his bent knees. His tired legs slide apart until his thighs were comfortably resting on the nothingness that supported his weight. For all the world, he looked like a crumpled child.

_"Yes but who was the mentor who taught the ones who taught you that first knowledge? Why me of course, you are all my students and it is to _me_ you should pledge." _

"Enough games! I came here for Riza," Mustang pleaded with a slight crack in his voice. A foreign pressure around him was shifting into an unbearable weight, pressing down on his whole body.

_"You came all this way for death? To give up that very last breath?" _

The voice didn't hurt him this time. It tickled him with a curiosity that fluttered like a moth in Roy's mind. Roy squinted and shook his head slowly as if it would relieve the bizarre feeling. "What do you want in exchange for my wife?" He demanded as he forced his eyes open again.

_"It doesn't work that way. You must offer an exchange, something I can take away." _

"What do you want?"

_"Equivalence." _

"I can't give you that until I know the cost."

_  
_The weight pressed him down hard, making Roy's forehead become level with his knees in a slave like bow.

_"You dare come here and demand a purchase price as if this were a store? You need to be aware of the rules, Roy Mustang, they are not there for you to ignore." _

He was being crushed slowly under something he could not see. The shadow over his bent form was getting darker as Roy began to panic despite his resolve.

_"You are but a novice in this game of life. So I will make you a deal for your wife. Offer me what you value most, dear boy, and I will give back that girl with joy." _

Roy closed his eyes and remained bowed, even though the pressure was no longer there. What was most valuable to him? His first thought was of Riza. She was his world. Without her, he was nothing, but he couldn't offer Riza to retrieve Riza. He needed something of equal value. His ambition was often commendable. People would tell him they wish for the same kind of drive he possessed, but he didn't have that anymore. All Roy had was himself and a few snow banks. Maybe that was all he needed.

"My life, for my wife," he rhymed to match the Gate's articulate yet odd style.

The pressure returned tenfold, flattening him completely. Roy hissed as the air in his lungs was pushed out.

_"You dare mock me, you flickering candle of a child? This _equivalence _you offer is mild. I said what you value most and you defiantly could care less about this Mustang ghost." _

A dull snap in his chest informed Roy that he had at least one broken rib. He moaned in pain but couldn't move.

_"Let me explain something here to you. This is not a place of exchange, tariffs or due. Here is where you come for TRUTH indeed, and I will extract my price in giving it to you, fair and noble stead." _

The only thing Roy could mange was a shallow scream as those black hands pulled at his face.

* * *

**Steady as the Tree**

* * *

Edward clutched at the white socked ankle. The flashing light died immediately after he broke the array. Panic was swelled up inside of Ed as Mustang left a bloody streak where he was dragged.

Did this mean…?

Edward pushed all morbid thoughts aside and surveyed the array quickly. It was his by design but the bastard took out the safety restraints. Dammit, he could have died and received nothing. Equivalency was the key and the man expected something from nothing, unless…

"You tried to use your own life," Edward stated out loud.

Horror and a sickening sense of understanding flooded through Edward's veins. It was the same feeling he got every time he thought about just how easy it would be. All he would have to do was draw an array, gather ingredients and in no time, Edward would be able to see her face again. But it was never that easy. It wouldn't be her. It would be a ghost, a shadow, a homunculus, a sin. Edward loved her too much to inflict that kind of existence on Winry. How could this man try to do the same for his wife? It wasn't right.

"Get up you selfish bastard. What are you missing?" Edward snarled hatefully and flipped over the taller man.

What he saw made the bottom of his gut fall out. All the hate and bile melted away. Edward felt ashamed and scared. Mustangs face was the source of the growing pool that was seeping into Edward's clothing. All the blood around him oozed over the array's lines in a disgusting sense of irony. Payment was taken. The array was no longer active. Edward was just happy nothing was created from it. Stupid bastard was so grief stricken he forgot to have his own human transmutation materials ready. Fucking stupid lucky bastard.

Edward pulled the man's head into his lap and inspected the damage with blank eyes. The Gate took his left eye…

"This is confidential, Doctor. I'm sure you understand. No nurses, no admin personnel, no one but you is to come into this room from now until dawn." Colonel Elric sternly told the small town clinical doctor.

The older man looked past Edward to the only occupied bed in the small room.

"Colonel Eh? Aren't you kinda young?" The physician inquired as he packed some things into his bag.

"Young, possibly, but I have experiences no one can relate to except for this man. No one is more qualified to deal with his 'situation' than I. Now, I expect you back here an hour after dawn to make him travel worthy." Ed's words were brisk and official.

He was being overly harsh in hopes the doctor would leave, but those hopes were quickly dashed when he noticed the man eyeing his watch chain. "You're na ordinary colonel. That's a state alchemist chain you got there."

"Yes it is," Edward quirk one of his eyebrows and waited. He was thankful the man was able to do as much as he did, but that didn't mean the floor was open to questions from the peanut gallery.

"Then you must be that famous Flame Alchemist Colonel, the one in all the stories. I thought you was dead?"

Edward put his hands in his pockets. "I think you've been here too long Doctor. I will see you tomorrow, bright and early. I need to get this soldier to Central for surgery as soon as humanly possible."

"Fine," the doctor said and turned for the door, "but you know, I ain't stupid. That man was messing around with alchemy you should be mess'in with. That's no ordinary wound."

"And what, by fucking chance, would be described as an ordinary wound? The man's eye was scooped out?" Edward yelled slightly but tried to harness his temper. White hot waves of pure wrath were rippling beneath the surface, ready to surge out if that man said on more comment not the Edward's liking.

"I'm just say'in. If he dies of some mysterious cause in the night and you ain't around. I'm reporting you. I'm know backfiring alchemy when I see it."

"Good night and get out," Edward hissed, clutching the contents of his pockets. His watch was warming up in his left hand while he snapped his pen in half in his right.

Edward watched him go with an unprofessional glare. He felt like his old rebellious self for a moment, and it felt good. He stomped over to the door and wedged it closed with one of the spare chairs. He gave the knob a long look as if expecting it to jiggle, but it didn't.

Edward's shoulders slumped. It felt good to be off display. The flame alchemist wasn't even in that room anymore. Edward walked over to Mustang's bed and grabbed the second spare chair. This man wasn't the flame alchemist anymore, just like Ed was no longer Fullmetal. They were both changed almost beyond recognition.

"Mustang, what happened to us," Edward asked, knowing he wouldn't get an answer. Mustang was fast asleep, pleasantly drugged and bond in white cotton strips.

The bleeding had stopped quickly, quicker than it should have, but that was the nature of the Gate. It didn't want you to die of blood lose because that wouldn't be fun or equivalent.

Edward took off his jacket and sat in the chair at Mustang's side.

"We've switched places, you and I. I remember all those times I would wake up and see you sitting here, looking pissed. '_Fullmetal, you should take better care of yourself,' _and _'you are an adult now; it's time you acted like one.'_ So you better not kick the cat while I'm asleep you bastard. I've have a whole number of ironic bullshit saved up for this day and don't think being a bastard will save your sorry ass. As of last week, you are MY subordinate until you are reinstated. So sleep now while you can." Edward smiled a bit and put his socked feet up on the bed. He didn't want Mustang to sneak away in the night, so this was an effective way to keep tabs one the man.

Edward closed his eyes and prepared for the nightmares. He always got them after seeing any form of horror. It was a fact of life and there was no escape, that was one thing both Mustang and Edward had in common. They both knew that there was an imprisonment when they went to bed. Any demon could seep into your dreams and not let go.

Edward took his feet down from the bed and folded his arms on the sheets, putting his head on his arms. He looked at Mustang one last time. "Sleep and I'll protect you like I couldn't them."

He felt a hand brush his bangs aside but passed it off as Winry haunting him, like she always did.

* * *

END

* * *

**Author's Note:** So I have an announcement. I have about thirty to fifty review replies to write after I post this. So if you think I forgot you… I did, but not anymore! Now I need to organize my massive photobucket account. I put all the yaoi and shounen-ai pictures I love in there. Now I must put them into pairing folders, tag and title them. :D

Ummmm... I think I'm forgeting something... Oh yeah, ENJOY!

-Rix ... the demon

OH! entre nous means between us after you make it pretty in English.


	3. Fierce as the Fire

**Dis****claimer:** I don't own FMA... or these pants.

* * *

You can attack to save, you can attack to kill, you can attack to gain but don't lose you will.

* * *

"Sir?" Maria Ross opened the door and peeked in at him. Edward signed the last form and placed in on Mustang's bed. He was using the sleeping man as an inbox/outbox for all his documents. Edward was glad to back in Central, but it had already been a week since that night. How long would he be able to work out of this small hospital room? If it weren't for First Lieutenant Ross, he would have never been able to work so efficiently without even having to leave the room.

Edward looked at the sleeping older man. He had woken up several times but the drugs kept Mustang far from lucid. The multiple surgeries must have been hard and the doctors were running out of ideas. It was a matter of a medical miracle or magic now, to save Mustangs life. Edward didn't know, but he felt if he left the room, even to just walk around the hospital, the man would slip out of existence. So he never left, there was a private shower for obvious reason and subordinates for anything else, like the sandwich Ross was swinging back and forth, he had subordinates for. She didn't enter the room but instead baited him towards the door.

Edward gave a long suffering sigh and got up. Mustang was still sleeping so he figured a quick trip around the building wouldn't disturb the man much. Wearing his black t-shirt and uniform pants, Edward exited the room into the hall. He didn't think he'd need his colonel coat.

"Ross," Edward said formally before dropping all pretences and snatching the paper bag. He ripped it open with his teeth and inspected the meat content on it.

"You know, after this long I _think _I know want kind of food you like," she chided him as he inhaled the sandwich. "You could have at least tasted it."

"I did and you should take note that corn beef does not go down well fast. Next time I require either a white meat deli sandwich, or a meat salad one, First Lieutenant." Edward licked the few crumbs remaining on his fingers and went to go back in the room.

Ross grabbed his elbow and pulled him away from the door. "I know you want to keep up to date on his file, and that your worried about Mustang, but Sir, _Edward,_ you need to get out of here."

Ed gave her a quizzical note. "I don't see why. We are working quite efficiently right now. There is no reason for me to leave and every for me to stay. I want to make certain he is treated properly and that those kooks don't just write him off as an alchemic accident—"

"But that's what he is Ed, you say it yourself." Ross's voice was exasperated. "He already made his choice. It's time you accept it."

Edward gave her a long hard look, not liking what he was hearing. "You want me to give up."

Ross slashed her arm in front of her like a blade. "You owe him nothing Edward. He was a great man once, and I respect that, but I will not watch him drag an even great man down with him."

"What are you talking about? He isn't harming anyone. The man needs surgery for fuck's sake." Ed snarled. He thought of Maria Ross as a friend, but that didn't dissolve the line between their ranks.

Maria's eyes were hard. "Then leave it to the surgeons. You don't need to be here."

Edward flexed his socked feet and closed his eyes. He counted to ten to keep from killing his own staff. "Someone needs to be here."

"He has family, call them, anyone. I don't care. What I care about is you. You are a bright a shining star in a dark cruel world. Your rank and position in the new government is important and I will not watch some has-been try and drag you down with him!" Ross panted openly, looking wholly spent and worried. "You can't save him Edward. Let him go and live out the life you already saved, you own. Look how far you've come."

"And where would I be," Edward said slowly, "without everyone's help, especially yours?"

Ross opened and closed her mouth, speechless.

"Good," He said briskly. Edward turned towards the door and began to walk away. He placed his hand on the door, then said over his shoulder, "The man in this room has done more for me than I ever deserved. The least I can do is be there for him, like he had been for me."

"But he wasn't, Edward!" Edward didn't look, but he could feel Ross's exasperation. "He ran away! Edward, listen to reason. He is a sinking ship and will only drag you down—"

"Your views have been noted and taken under consideration. Now I believe you have two weeks of vacation time to use up before they expire. Take those now and inform Havoc that he is to resume your duties from now on, including my meal deliveries. You are dismissed, Ross." Edward pushed the door open slightly and cursed himself for being so flat and cold.

It was his new way to deal with things. No longer did he have the will or energy to rant and scream. No he was just dead inside, that burning passionate drive, gone. Al had his new life and Edward made certain he didn't drag his little brother down.

Ross tried one more time to convince him to turn around and face her. "You can't save him," she whispered to his back.

Edward pulled on his smuggest smirk to hide the torrent of sorrow inside of him from showing on his face. "Who said I was trying?" _to save him… no, I'm saving myself, or maybe we are both beyond help._

* * *

**Fierce as the Fire**

* * *

Roy looked the ceiling and waited. The doctor had told him the surgery was a success and that he would make a full recovery. He's been awake now for a few days, but today was the first time his mind wasn't clouded with a drug induced fog. Roy brought his hand up to the gauze on his face. The stitches were already off and today he could go home, but to what? He had kept his Central Home, but it was full of nothing but memories and dust now, hardly fit to live in.

"Ha, listen to me," Roy mused and sat up in his bed. He swayed slightly but was able to stay up. He looked around his hospital room slowly. It was really tiring to use his remaining eye, now that it had to do twice the work, but his doctor said he would become accustomed to it.

It felt weird, thinking about having a future. Even thought Roy did what he had to do to bring Riza back, he had not expected to fail and survive. It was suppose to be a fail or survive situation. Now he was left with a problem. What came next? Did he pick up his things on the way out and salvage what was left of his life, or jump off the nearest bridge? No, he couldn't do that, not after Riza saved him from himself. He remembered that night of horror very vaguely, but it had to be her. How else did he survive? That blonde hair and comforting embrace, Roy knew in his heart it was the one he loved and no other that saved him from the Gate.

Now he had to make himself deserving of being saved.

"Oh! Good you're up." A nurse came in to his room carrying a basin. She smiled at sweetly, and then peered around the room. She looked disappointed when what ever she was looking for didn't appear. "I wonder where he went," she said to herself but Roy still heard it.

Roy's head throbbed a little; too much light from the window was giving him a migraine. The nurse promptly placed the basin down on his bed and closed the curtains half way. She smiled at him and asked, "Better?"

"Yes." Roy paused for a moment before asking, "Who were you looking for?" Roy wondered idly who had visited him. He went through the list of men who would come to see him, but fell short of names. The he she mentioned earlier must have just been a doctor or nurse.

She looked at him with a lopsided smirk. "That gorgeous young man who didn't leave you bedside for two weeks of course, but I guess he went to get a car to drive you home. Are you excited? A few hours from now you get to sleep in your own bed." She went into his small closet and came out with a tray for the empty basin and something black. "Now, let's get off all that dreaded white bandaging. You'd look much better with a black eye patch I think. It would match your hair and bring out that faint blue in your eyes."

Roy sat silently as she worked. A gorgeous man stayed with him? Who could that be? The only man Roy could think of who would do such a thing would be Maes, but he was long gone. That left Roy more confused than ever. Regardless, he felt oddly at peace. It was a peace he hadn't felt in years. His mind was quiet as apposed to reeling over his guilt and pain. It was gone and what was left was just a feeling. Did Riza take away his sins when she saved him? Was this what forgiveness felt like?

It was like everything happening around him was a mild and calm dream. So for once, instead of fighting it, Roy embraced the bliss and sat quietly in his bed, while the nurse went about her business.

It wasn't long before a knock came at the door. Roy's nurse cleaned up her things and placed all the used bandages into the basin. "Okay Mr. Mustang, that must be him. Hopefully he'll have some spare cloths for you to change into. Sign out at the front desk, pick up you prescription at the pharmacy down the street and you'll be free of us until you need a check up in a couple weeks. I'm sure the doctor already told you most of this. I'll get out of you're hair now." She winked at him and opened the door.

Roy's eye was wide in surprise when Maria Ross walked in with an outfit over her arm. His nurse exited the room behind Miss Ross.

"Sir, I've been sent by the Colonel to take care of your business until you arrive at you residence." She placed the clothing on the bed just as abruptly as she spoke.

Roy eyed her jacket and noticed her promotion. He was still a corporal until they discharged him, so Roy was polite and said, "I see you're a First Lieutenant now Ma'am, congratulations."

"Major General Mustang, you needn't address me like an unlisted man." Ross's voice was crisp with no hint of the warmness he remembered from their encounter so many years ago. She changed, just like him. Roy wondered idly who else would be different.

"I would never dream of addressing you as a man Lieutenant Ross. You are far too beautiful to be mistake for one." The words slipped out with a casual ease, like he said things like that constantly. In truth, Roy used to, but that was from his life before.

_Now you have a new life, a second chance. What will you do with it?_

Riza spoke within his mind. It warmed his heart and he smiled.

A loud sound snapped him out of his daze. Ross had slammed the door behind her and was advancing on him with a wrathful glint. "Listen here Mustang; I don't care who you were or who you are now. I don't care about your war heroism or your reputation. I don't care about you in any way. Do you understand that?"

Roy nodded, but she started in before he could say anything in response.

"You disgust me and I'm only here because ordered to be. If I had a choice I would leave right now and leave your sorry behind here to walk home." She had her arms crossed in front of her small bosom and looked to the side, her stance reading _I HATE YOU _over and over. "How can you sit there and smile after everything? Have you finally lost your mind? That would be a fitting end to the Great Flame Alchemist. Have you no remorse for not being there?"

Not being where? Roy wasn't even certain what she was talking about anymore. She acted as if hurt on a personal level, but Roy never did anything to her and told her so, but she wouldn't here it.

"No, you did nothing to me, but it was me who was there when you weren't. You were his supervisor and the closest thing he had to a parent and you abandoned him. How can you live with that? That poor boy was lost, alone and needed you, and what do you do? You go hide in the snow. How dare you!" She huffed and caught her breath. Roy was mesmerised by how she was frothing at the mouth one moment and fixing her jacket calmly the next. "Just change so I can be rid of you. I may not like it, but a professional soldier does what they are told. I will not disobey a direct order, especially for you. You're lucky Edward is looking after you and so help me God, I will do everything within my power to keep you from dragging him down with you."

* * *

END

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**A/N: **That's it for part three. Don't forget there is one more chapter. This one took ages because, as you've noticed, it took a less angst filled turn. That is so not like me. Well I'm going to post this now. I still don't like it, but I'm tired of looking at it. :D Sorry about the wait.

rix the demon


	4. Unmovable as the Mountain

**Dis****claimer:** I don't own FMA... or these pants.

* * *

I kiss you once, then kiss you twice and now sit back for you owe me thrice.

* * *

Maria Ross had been right about one thing, Roy didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve the kindness of strangers. He didn't deserve compassion of old friends. He didn't deserve the love of the woman who left him behind. Most of all, he did not deserve Edward Elric.

Roy drank his coffee as he watched the snow fall onto the naked tree outside. It was hard to imagine such a light and graceful dance of snowflakes when in his mind he kept thinking that it would soon turn into a blizzard of the north that would trap him inside his small cabin. There was never anything up there quite as beautiful as there was here, and Roy sighed when he realized he was no longer referring to the snow.

Edward was out in it now, walking slowly from the state car to his town house. Roy sighed again and pulled his knees close in the window seat. It had been only a few days, but he already felt like a new man.

The black car pulled away and Edward paused in his journey to the front door.

_He must think he's alone._

Roy guilty moved in such a way so that he could still be in the second story den window, but without being noticed by the outside world below to allow Ed's illusion of solidarity to remain. The blond put his handful of files on the door step and turned back to the road with his hands in his blue pant pockets. He was facing away but Roy could tell by his stance that he was relaxed.

It was a new pass time for him: 'Ed watching'. Somehow the fireball of a blond boy that had filled his office with the most elaborate temper tantrums was now this serene man who never stomped but instead almost glided from room to room. Roy never heard him walking through the house and he was almost willing to bet money the man wasn't leaving footprints out in the new snow. He was like a complete stranger, but one that fascinated him to no end.

After leaving the hospital, Edward, no... Colonel Elric had told him flatly that he was a suicide risk and would not be allowed to live alone. Now they were living together, but Edward was always at the office. Roy was wondering what the real point of him spending over eight hours alone in Edward's home was. Not that he wasn't thankful, but it was unnerving to be around people again. He was so used to being left alone that knowing another human was sleeping in the next room made him hyper alert to every noise.

It was this fact that Roy justified spying on his roommate like a private eye or a silly school girl. It was just a crazy quirk from being a hermit for a year, that's all. Rationalizing his reality was his second new pastime.

Edward was now crouching low and looking for something in the snow with his gloved hands. Roy leaned forward to catch a glimpse, thinking it was a set of keys or something and nearly fell off his seat went a snowball was pelted at the glass. Barely saving his coffee from a swift trip to the floor, Roy glared out the window with his one eye and was shocked when a familiar grinning blond demon was looking back.

That was the first time he'd seen Edward smile since they parted was so many years ago.

* * *

**Unmovable as the Mountain**

* * *

Roy looked with disdain at the uniform that arrived via currier that morning. A full month's recovery behind him and this was his reward, blue binding shackles. There was a brief note saying he had an hour before a car would be by to pick him up. It was in Edward's slanted handwriting and obviously written down quickly. It contained many unnecessary details, like what door he was being dropped off at and a small map to the office he was going to report into. It never ceased to amaze Roy on how much Edward looked out for him. It felt like a complete role reversal.

Well, almost a complete role reversal. Edward was being more like a parent for Roy than Roy ever was for him. Where Roy jibbed and manipulated Edward into doing what he wanted in the past, Edward flat out told him what was needed and simply expected results.

Roy fingered the white trimmed collar and wondered how one Edward had grown up into this other one. But then, who was Roy to talk. Once he was the great flame alchemist, ambition only rivalled by his good looks. Although he hated to admit it, both of those proud attributes were gone now, leaving only this strange sensation of freedom. Roy wasn't so quick as to shove his whole life back into those issued polyester pants. Feet weighed down by boots were forced to march when they'd rather run bare through wet grass.

It was a hilarious thought that Roy didn't much want to retake his previous place in the world. He had worked his whole life to become that man and many people were sacrificed to push him up. It was almost an insult to their collective memories to be feeling as hesitant as Roy. Had Riza really given his life back only to follow the same path?

"No, she would have wanted me to... I don't know. I just don't know."

He walked away from the bed and picked up the phone. No matter how healed and rejuvenated his body felt, his heart was still in the same shambles as before. He did not want the life that came with the vivid blue and white garbs.

He cancelled his ride and threw the uniform into his closet.

* * *

_Black void surrounded him in its grand infinity. There was nothing in view yet it was wrapping around his body like a paranormal snake. The dark emptiness pressed in from all side, squeezing and—_

Roy snapped awake in his bed, yelling out but with no sound escaping his throat. The sheets were tangled around his legs and arms in an impossible knot and Roy panicked while trying to get free. He twisted and thrashed like a trapped animal, the fear from the dream still rattle his sense of logic.

It was coming for him again: the black demon with too many eyes. It could see everything, his fears, his loves and his sins.

Roy hit the floor, still struggling to escape the black hands that were only in his mind. He knew his life being given back to him was too good to be true. His sins were still there and this monster was going to claim his other eye as payment.

"_No,_" escaped Roy's lips and he got one of his hands free. He reached for the lamp in hope that some light would vanquish his foe but instead knocked it to the floor in a justifiably loud crash. Pieces of porcelain scattered across the floor like sharp mice in all directions. Roy slipped and his hand went directly into the pile, slicing his soft palm.

"What the fuck—" came from the door way but Edward didn't finish his comment. He rushed in a clapped his hands. The vicious, blood lusting sheet disintegrated in a heap of thread and an even bigger heap of whimpering Mustang.

Roy couldn't stop the tears. They came in harsh, heaving sobs that shook his whole body and left him feeling as weak as a child. And that child needed the comfort of a mother.

Without care of how it would look to Ed, Roy grabbed onto him and hugged him close like a stuffed toy. Roy's hands eagerly sought proof that his was human and that Ed was too. He feverishly shoved his hands up Ed's tank top, relaxing under the soft touch of skin.

Demons from that place never felt as right as this. Their touch was similar to sand and fire while Ed's skin was cool and smooth. Roy kept moving further and further up the back of Ed's shirt and the blond didn't move to stop him. Roy came to where Ed's automail met his flesh and explored each and every long raised scar and bulging bolt under Ed's skin. Somehow these imperfects calmed Roy.

He found his voice and buried his face into the side of Edward's neck. "I'm sorry."

Edward woke up from his startled dazed then. He wrapped his arms around Roy's back. "Don't be. We all get like this, after _what we've seen_."

Roy breath intake increased and he shuddered, trying to burry himself into Edward. The blond held him just as fiercely in their upright tangle on the floor.

"Ed," Roy whispered, his lips brushing Ed's skin unintentionally, "she didn't come for me."

Roy waited for the usual spiel of lies about her being in heaven looking over them all or that it was just a dream. Truth was it was never going to be just a dream. Every night those hands reached for him was a real attempt to take his life from him. Maybe not physically, but Roy felt a fraction of his sanity leave with those retreating hands each time. Home many more 'dreams' would it take before he is dissolved into a muttering lunatic in a padded room? Roy predicted it wouldn't take many more.

Ed's flesh hand found its way into his hair, "She's dead."

Roy looked up into Ed's golden in surprise. There was no comfort or malice, no exasperation or pity, just Edward and his truth. Riza was dead and not coming for him until he was the same as her, dead.

"But," the blond continued, "that does not mean you should be too. I didn't travel all the hell up fuck north to pull your out half dead self out of a damned snowball to have you fall apart in your bed... on your floor."

"You?" Roy said in disbelief.

Ed nodded reluctantly. Roy could see he had not wanted to tell Roy this. Roy's panting that had subsided now returned in full blast and he pounced on Edward, crashing their lips together and slamming the smaller man into the floor.

Aggression and need filled the room with each article of clothing being ripped off and tossed aside. Edward didn't fight Roy, to his surprise but became the more dominate one, rolling them both over and pushing himself between Roy's legs.

Neither of them questions the morality of what they were doing or the consequences. This moment existed outside of the harsh world and they revelled in it. It wasn't love, it wasn't sex and it certainly wasn't comfort. It was need; the need to be alive, the need to feel alive and the need to feel another who was alive along with them.

* * *

Ed ran his hands through the short black locks, looking out the snowy window without seeing it. Roy's head was against his chest, the sound of Ed's heartbeat having lulled him to sleep.

The side of Edward that demanded an answer to every mystery was miraculously quite. No explanation was needed for what had happed over an hour ago, nor did Edward want to find one. He was content and that was something worth protecting beyond the desire for truth.

Roy wrapped his arms around Ed's chest more firmly, his scarred face nuzzling Ed's scarred front. Yes, some things were worth protecting, even without a reason why. The hows and whys came with time and right then, they both remained outside of time in their own world of each other.

* * *

END

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**Author's Note:** Hey everyone, who thought this fic was dead? --waits for the millions of hands to raise-- Well... I'm sorry!

This fic is done according to the plot but I plan to make a epilogue next week so don't leave just yet. I hope you all enjoyed this massive role reversal angst fic and thank ou for your outstanding patronage!

-rix


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